Bamboo Blossom Lane

Justin Injustice?

Okay, so Janet Jackson's nipple was seen on TV during the Superbowl--we know that--in fact, every person on the planet seems to know that whereas not many noted that 139 people were killed by a suicide bomber in Iraq that same day.

I don't know if the incident was planned as a publicity stunt or it really did happen by accident--that is really immaterial (so to speak). But here's the thing: first of all, what is the big deal? The famous Superbowl commercials had women baring everything but their nips and that was okay. It was also okay for a bunch of supermodels to play football in their underwear at the "Lingerie Bowl" (now that's a cultural event we can be proud of!) and I'll bet ya could see a bit of T&A on TV that day! And the television show "ER" was going to bare an older woman's breast on primetime but the producers cut the segment after the Janet mishap. Darn that Janet Jackson--now we can't even see boobs on medical shows. Maybe they should have digitally erased the pink part and just aired the rest.

And then there's the fact that Janet didn't rip off half her top by herself, in fact she didn't rip it off at all--Justin Timberlake did. So Janet is being ostracized 'cause we saw her (woohoo) nipple, but what about the guy who bared it? He wasn't banned from the Grammys. He attended and picked up 2 awards. Maybe it should have been three--one for acting the innocent. It seems to me that he should shoulder half the blame here. Afterall, if he would have refused to do it, it wouldn't have happened.

Ladies--let's all rush out to buy nipple shields justin case.

Yeah, We Felt It

LA
December 22, 2003

I’m sitting in an interview in a room on the 9th floor of one of those rock-and-roll buildings—the kind built on rollers so they swing and sway instead of shake and crack with an earthquake. A 6.5 hit and we definitely rocked and rolled. I was sitting in a chair with wheels to boot—thought I was having a MAJOR dizzy spell. Woo-hoo! Perimenopause RULES! But it kept going so I turned to the woman interviewing me and said, “is this a stress interview or are we having an earthquake”? I thought that was a bit of on-the-spot genius on my part but she didn’t even laugh! It took her a minute longer to even realize that we were in a serious shake situation. Maybe she’s pausing too.

My friends in Orange County felt nothing—hmmm, indicative of a larger problem perhaps?—telling me how lucky I was to be in the right place at the right time. Ma Nature’s little holiday dance. Wouldn’t have wanted to miss it.

Cheers!

I Woke Up in a Terminator Movie

October 2003, somewhere in Orange County, CA

The sky was orange and raining ashes, the air was thick with smoke, there was no food or transportation and Ah-nuld was governor.

Yeah, the fire at Rancho Cucamonga is many miles inland but because of the Santa Ana winds we are getting the fallout at the beach. The ash not only covers everything in white and gray soot but it "seeds" the marine layer causing fog which then captures more ash. The dew on cars has turned into a pasty goo of wet ash that dries into a cast-like thing and sloughs off in little sheets. The fresh stuff flies around when you drive and when you open the car door it all swirls in. The air stinks and makes your eyes and sinuses burn; I'm wearing a dust mask outside and people don't even seem to notice. Maybe I can work it into a Halloween costume but maybe it’s not weird enough—everybody’s starting to wear them.

The weirdest thing though is the light. It's just wrong. It's very dark here--imagine 7pm light at 10am in the morning, but the angle of the light is 10am--that screws with your brain. And it's orange which somehow makes the traffic lights look purple and people keep running the lights because they can't remember if the top purple one is green or is the bottom purple one?

I am waiting for the one-eyed dude wearing heavy artillery to show up but maybe he's already in Sacramento trying to resolve the mass transit strike. I am hoping he will bring diet tonic water which cannot be found anywhere due to the grocery strike. Gin and diet Shasta grapefruit soda isn't that bad though.